The Birth of A Child
by misspatchesmom
Summary: Ziva gives birth to Tali in June 2014; follows mother and daughter through Tali's first year. Part of the "You Complete Me" universe.
1. First Week in June 2014

The Birth of a Child

 _Ziva gives birth to Tali; 18 June 2014_

Chapter 1 First Week in June 2014

"Doda, you do NOT need to stay with me!" Ziva was adamant in her protests when Nettie insisted that she move in with Ziva temporarily.

"Yes, I do. Your due date is almost here and your baby could be born any time now. Who is going to take you to the hospital when it is time?" Nettie could be just as hard-headed as her niece.

Ziva sighed, "I can take care of myself!"

"Not if you are in labor," Nettie would not back down. She took her suitcase into the guest bedroom, trying to shut down the argument. Ziva was so stubborn sometimes, but Nettie knew she came by it honestly. Rivka had been just as stubborn and had apparently passed the trait on to her oldest daughter. Nettie reminisced about similar discussions between her Ima and her sister when Rivka was pregnant with Ziva and between herself and Rivka when Tali was in the womb.

Ziva threw her hands up in exasperation. Just because she was pregnant did not mean she could not take care of herself. Even Orli had been pushing for Ziva to have Nettie stay with her. She had half expected Nettie and Orli to show up together, perhaps with Schmeil in tow, to convince her. "Fine, you can stay, but DO NOT try to smother me, please."

Nettie turned to her niece, "Perhaps I should call Tony now? You need him to be here."

"No, I do not NEED anyone. I do not want to disrupt his life in DC," Ziva lied, trying to convince her aunt of her independence. She had been regretting not contacting Tony when she had first found out that she was pregnant. She also regretted insisting that he leave without her. What if she had invited him to stay with her? Ziva shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts of Tony. She could not live on what ifs; she had to focus on the tiny life that would soon consume her time.

"Doda, my due date is not for almost a month; are you really going to stay for the whole month of June?" Ziva again tried to get her Doda to be reasonable.

"Ziva, I was with you at the doctor appointment today. I heard her say that you could give birth any day now and that you most likely would not carry the baby to full term. I am here and I am not leaving until after this baby is born. No more arguments, please!" Nettie felt as though she were arguing with a stubborn child.

Ziva heard her aunt's words and suddenly got very quiet. Nettie watched as her niece sat in the chair in the guest room and stared at the floor. She moved quietly to Ziva's side and put a hand under her chin. "Ziva, look at me," Nettie hated when Ziva retreated into her thoughts like this. "What is it? Why are you so scared?"

"It is nothing, Doda; I am fine," Ziva replied and smiled weakly at her aunt. She made eye contact, knowing that would be enough for Nettie to back off from any questioning. Just then, the baby moved and Ziva let out a small gasp as she felt the kick in the ribs.

"That was not nothing, Ziva," Nettie admonished. Ziva took her aunt's hand and placed it on her abdomen. Nettie felt the next kick and smiled at Ziva. "Oh, the baby is moving again. Does it hurt?"

"Only when it kicks me in the ribs or spine," Ziva smiled back.

"I still do not understand why you would not let the doctor tell you if it is a boy or a girl. If we knew, we could get clothing and bedding and toys for the correct gender," Nettie had been frustrated with Ziva's unwillingness to have the baby's gender revealed. She wouldn't even let the sonography technician tell Nettie the baby's gender, stating that she wanted the sex to be a surprise at birth.

"I want it to be a surprise, Doda," Ziva sighed at the months' old argument between them. "I have plenty of things that are appropriate for a boy or a girl."

"You have nothing pink for a little girl," Nettie protested.

"IF I have a girl, my little girl will not be wearing anything pink, or frilly for that matter. Laila tov, Doda." Ziva kissed her aunt's cheek and hugged the older woman, effectively shutting down the argument for the night.

Ziva went back to her room and prepared herself for bed. As she lay on the sheets, tears softly rolled down her face. The words of the doctor echoed in her head, ' _You will probably not carry to full term, Ziva._ ' Ziva knew that her body had been through hell in Somalia, and that she had been told that she could not get pregnant by several doctors in the subsequent visits and follow-ups from her trauma from the horrors she had endured.

She and Tony had found out that she could indeed get pregnant a little over a year ago. Her body had refused to carry the pregnancy, though, and at about twelve weeks' gestation, she had miscarried. They had both been filled with grief for their lost baby, and they had actually become closer as they worked through the grief together. She smiled through her tears as she remembered their time together last summer; sleeping side by side in this very bed, among other things.

The night in the olive grove under the stars was still vividly embedded in her mind. Oh how they had made love so tenderly, exploring each other as if it were their first time. How Tony had touched her and pleasured her… She was certain that this baby had been conceived that night…

Ziva shook her head, trying to banish the memories and thoughts. Enough of the past, reliving it would not change the decisions she had made. Sending Tony back to DC by himself had been one of the worst decisions she had ever made; she regretted it the moment the door to the plane closed with him inside it. "STOP!" she spoke out loud, admonishing herself that she could not dwell on what ifs.

She sat up as a small cramp crossed her abdomen. Oh, god, not again! Every cramp, every small pain in her abdomen, every flutter inside her had nearly sent her into panic mode since she had read the positive results on the home pregnancy tests on her previous birthday. She had lost one baby and it had hurt the one and only person who mattered the most to her. She could not hurt him that way again, so she had made the difficult decision to not tell Tony of her pregnancy. When asked by the doctor about the baby's father, she had said that he was out of the picture.

She glanced down at her swollen belly and stood up slowly. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the distinct outline of a tiny foot just below her navel. The baby was stretching out again and the pushing against her abdominal wall was the source of the cramp. She ran her hands over her belly, rubbing gently, a trick she had discovered to calm the baby. She sat in the rocking chair that she had put in her room by the bassinette with its yellow and green blankets that waited its new occupant. As she rubbed her belly, she sang softly, "Numi, numi, numi, nim…"

The lullaby that her Ima had sung to her, and then she had sung to her little sister Tali calmed her as well as the baby. Ziva fell asleep in the rocker as her baby settled for the night.


	2. Second Week in June

Chapter 2: Second Week in June 2014

Nettie and Ziva settled into a routine easily. Since Ziva was now on weekly doctor visits, Nettie went with Ziva to her weekly appointment on the eleventh. On Friday, Nettie had been at the farmhouse for over a week. Ziva had fixed lunch for both of them. The two were sitting at the dining room table when the baby moved its foot again. Ziva shyly lifted her top and showed her Doda the baby's foot impression on her belly.

"It is active today, Ziva," Nettie put her hand on Ziva's belly over the foot. She spoke to the baby, "Doda Nettie loves you already, little one. Your Doda Raba is very ready to meet you." Ziva smiled at her aunt.

Ziva stood up to clear the table, and had a sharp pain in her back that radiated around to her abdomen. She grasped the table and looked at Nettie with panic in her eyes.

"Ziva, what is it?" Nettie reached for her niece's hand. "Are you okay? What can I do for you?"

"Pain in my back, and it is shooting around to my lower abdomen," Ziva gasped. Tears fell from her eyes as she clenched the edge of the table. The pressure on her hips had suddenly increased markedly.

Nettie helped Ziva sit back in the chair, and then called the doctor's office. She explained to the nurse what had happened and the nurse advised Nettie to bring Ziva in to the office immediately. Nettie helped Ziva to the passenger side of the car, and then sped to the doctor's office.

She helped Ziva inside and called out to the personnel. "I have Ziva David here, you told me to bring her in. Can I get some help?" The nurse came out from the back and led the women into the exam room.

"Does it still hurt? Where?" she asked Ziva.

"Mostly my back; and there is a pressure on my hips from inside," Ziva replied. Nettie and the nurse helped Ziva onto the exam table as the doctor entered the room.

"Let's take a look here and see what is going on," the doctor helped Ziva lie back and began examining her abdomen. "Hmm…"

Ziva held Nettie's hand, trying to keep the tears in her eyes from spilling over. She flashed back to the exam in the hospital last year when she was in so much pain as her miscarried baby prepared to leave her womb. Ziva closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out the memory and to keep the tears at bay. Nettie put a hand on Ziva's face and caressed her cheek.

"What is it, Ziva?" Nettie spoke softly. Ziva shook her head, not saying anything.

The doctor spoke, "You are having some false contractions, and it appears that your baby is shifting downward to prepare for birth. I would guess that we will see this little one sometime in the next several days. Everything is okay otherwise, Ziva."

Ziva let out a breath that she did not even realize that she had been holding, "Thank you." She breathed several deep breaths in and out and opened her eyes, wiping at them with her free hand.

"Thank you," Nettie added as she helped Ziva sit up. "What can we do to help with the pain?"

The doctor suggested that Ziva lie flat and prop her feet up when the pain started to take pressure off her hips and lower spine." If the pains start coming more often or you have other signs of labor, get to the birthing center. If nothing more happens, I will reevaluate at your next appointment. Inducing labor is an option if the baby drops into position further."

Nettie took Ziva home; Ziva sat on the sofa while Nettie fussed over her and then went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. When Nettie came out to ask Ziva if she wanted a salad or a cooked vegetable with dinner, Ziva was sound asleep. Nettie looked at her niece, almost peaceful in her sleep, and worried. Ziva had been retreating into herself since she had sent Anthony back to the States on 1 October. Nettie would catch her crying softly and caressing a picture of the man.

Every time Nettie tried to get Ziva to open up, the younger woman would brush off her Doda's concerns and say that she was fine. When Nettie would push, Ziva would reply that nothing was wrong. Nettie knew Ziva was lying and that something was indeed 'wrong.' What that something was remained a mystery to Nettie, Orli and even Schmeil. None of them could get her to talk about what was bothering her; the three vowed to keep as close to a constant watch on Ziva as they could.

The pressure on Ziva's hips lessened overnight and on Saturday, she felt much less pain. She still felt some pressure and Nettie commented that her belly had seemed to drop. When the baby kicked, the movement felt lower in her abdomen to Ziva than it had been. She moved carefully each time she stood and realized on Monday afternoon that she had developed a distinct waddle in her walk.

Nettie fussed and fawned over her niece, even when Ziva protested that she was not an invalid. "Doda, I am pregnant, not incapacitated!"

"Ziva, just let me help you," Nettie was not tolerating the protests. "You will need your strength for labor and delivery."


	3. Labor and Delivery

Chapter 3: Labor and Delivery

After a late Tuesday dinner, Ziva lay down on the sofa to read. Nettie cleaned up in the kitchen and put the leftover food away. As she washed dishes and completed the cleanup, she hummed to herself. Her thoughts were on Ziva and the growing baby. She was still concerned that Ziva seemed restless and would often retreat into her thoughts. How she wished she could get inside her niece's mind. What was Ziva so afraid of, what was she thinking that had her so pensive?

Nettie finished in the kitchen and took her knitting bag to the living room. She pulled out the piece on which she was currently working; a green, yellow and blue blanket that matched the décor in the bassinette that Ziva had set up in her room. She worked on the blanket in silence as Ziva read her book. When Ziva sighed audibly, Nettie looked over at her niece.

Ziva had tears on her face and was staring off into the corner of the room. The book was by her side and she seemed to be lost in thoughts. Nettie watched as Ziva ran her hands over her swollen belly, and began singing the lullaby 'Numi, numi' softly. She had observed Ziva doing this same thing several times over the past month, but the realization that Ziva was calming both herself and the unborn child hit Nettie like a ton of bricks.

"Zivaleh," Nettie spoke softly, "What is it?"

Ziva looked over at her aunt, as if realizing suddenly that she was in the room. "I am scared, Doda. Singing the lullaby calms the baby when it is restless. I think it also calms me." Tears were streaming from her eyes as she spoke.

Nettie moved quickly over to Ziva and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. "Shh, Ziva, it is okay." She hoped to soothe Ziva and also finally learn the source of her tears. "You can tell me."

"Oh, Doda, I am so frightened every time I feel a pain," Ziva began. Her breath hitched as she felt another pain radiate from her back to her abdomen. Nettie put a hand on Ziva's face and wiped away tears. Ziva tried to smile at her aunt, "Doda, why?"

Nettie stroked Ziva's face, "What is it that you have not told me, Ziva?"

"I… I… lost one baby… hurt Tony so much…" Ziva tried to speak around her sobs. Nettie drew her closer, rubbing her back. "Miscarriage at tw… twelve… weeks… last April…" Ziva's sobs took over and she stopped speaking. Nettie stroked Ziva's back as her niece sobbed on her shoulder.

"Oh, Zivaleh, I am so sorry. Now I understand your anguish and …" Ziva's gasp of pain interrupted Nettie. "Where is the pain, Ziva?"

"Back and shooting around to abdomen," Ziva managed to say before the pain intensified.

"Like Friday?"

Ziva nodded at Nettie.

"I think we should get you to the hospital then." Nettie loosed her hold on Ziva and stood up. "Let me get my keys and your bag and we will go."

Ziva nodded again as Nettie gathered their things. She put the bag and her purse in the car and started the engine. Nettie opened the passenger door and went inside to get Ziva. She helped her niece to the car and into the seat. Ziva was trying to breathe through the pains as Nettie drove as fast as she dared to the hospital birthing center.

At the hospital, Nettie parked in front of the doors to the birthing center. She ran inside to get a nurse and hopefully a wheelchair to bring Ziva inside. She spotted a nurse and called out to her.

"My niece is in the car; I think she is in labor."

"Can she walk?" the nurse asked.

"I don't know; she had trouble getting into the car. Please help me get her inside," Nettie pleaded.

The nurse motioned to an orderly to get the wheelchair that was just inside the doors and the three headed towards Nettie's car. As they walked out the sliding doors, Ziva came slowly inside. They helped her into the wheelchair and went to the check in station.

"Name?"

"Ziva David."

"Doctor?"

"Yael Oppenheim." Ziva gasped as another pain wove its way around her abdomen.

"Father?"

"Not here," Ziva whispered, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. She tried to push all thoughts of Tony out of her mind even while wishing he were by her side right then.

"Yes, we have a notation from your doctor that you would probably be in this week. Let us get you to a labor room." Nettie followed as Ziva was wheeled to a room with a bed, television, several chairs, a bathroom and a small sitting area. The nurse and orderly helped Ziva onto the bed and left the room.

Ziva smiled weakly at her Doda, "I guess it is time?"

Nettie took Ziva's hand, "The baby will be here when it wants to be; you rest now and save your strength for when you have to push."

Ziva settled back on the bed and picked up the remote for the television. She turned it on, planning to use it as a distraction if needed. She flipped the channels and stopped when a classic movie channel came on. "Casablanca" was showing. She missed Tony even more as she realized which movie it was. Tears rolled out of her eyes and cascaded down her face, but she also felt a sense of his presence and a peace settled over her for the first time since she had observed the red plus sign on the first pregnancy test back in November.

Nettie squeezed Ziva's hand; she knew of Anthony's love of classic movies and could see that even though Ziva was crying, she was also relaxing. "He loves you so much, you know."

"Ken. And I love him enough to let him go," Ziva's tears increased. "Doda, I should not have sent him away…"

"It is not too late, Ziva. Let me call him now," Nettie offered.

"No. I cannot disrupt his life," Ziva was adamant. She had caused too much pain to Tony already, and the last thing she wanted to do was cause him any more pain.

The conversation was interrupted by Ziva's doctor entering the room. "Good evening, Ziva," she called out. "I see your little one has decided it is time." Dr. Oppenheim came over to the bed and did a preliminary exam of Ziva's abdomen. "Yes, the baby is in position for birth. Are you having any pains or contractions?"

"Pain that radiates from my back around my abdomen," Ziva replied.

"That is normal when one has what is called back labor. Those are your contractions, Ziva. Let me see how dilated you are," she motioned for Ziva to prop her legs on the stirrups and lifted her hospital gown. "About 3 cm. We will keep checking. Your little one will be here soon."

Ziva nodded as another pain shot from her back. She gritted her teeth and breathed through it. "How long?"

"It is hard to tell exactly at this stage, but probably within twenty four hours. I will be back to check on you in about three hours. If you need me before then, call the nurse."

"Okay," Ziva tried to smile. The thought of this pain for another twenty four hours had her worried. Each pain took some of her strength and energy from her. Could she even manage to do this for another three hours? All of her training to deal with pain had never prepared her for anything like this.

Ziva decided to walk around the room to stretch her muscles and relieve some of the pain in her lower back temporarily. She used the restroom and sipped some of the juice that had been left in her cup earlier. Nettie suggested that they try to get some sleep and Ziva agreed.

About 0130, a doctor came by to check on Ziva. He asked about contractions and checked dilation. "About 4 cm; I suggest you try to get some sleep and rest. The hard part is coming!" Ziva nodded and thanked him and drifted back to sleep.

Ziva awoke at 0700 with an overwhelming pressure and need to pee. She rose from the bed and waddled over to the bathroom. As she stood from the toilet, a shooting pain from her back to her abdomen made her cry out. Nettie was by her side almost immediately.

"Are you okay, Ziva?" Nettie took her niece's arm and guided her back towards the bed.

"I think so," Ziva gasped as the pain intensified. "Let… me… breathe… through…" She sat on the bed with Nettie's help and focused on breathing. As the pain eased, she lay back against the pillows. "The pain is getting more intense."

As she spoke, Dr. Oppenheim came into the room. "Good morning; are the pains also more frequent?" Ziva nodded. "Let us check your dilation." Ziva got into position and the doctor made a notation on the chart.

"You are about 6 cm; the contractions are going to be getting stronger and closer together now. You are in active labor, Ziva. I am going to have a fetal monitor brought in so we can monitor the baby's vitals. That is standard procedure in active labor," she added as she noticed Ziva's look of alarm. "We should be greeting this little one in the next few hours!"

"Is there any way I can get something to eat?" Ziva asked.

"I will have a protein shake brought in for you. I would rather you not have solid foods until after delivery if possible. Try to get some rest between contractions. I will be back in about two to three hours."

At 1000, Ziva was having more frequent and stronger contractions. Nettie held her niece's hand and helped her focus on breathing through the pains. She wiped Ziva's face and brow with a damp cloth and listened to the woman's rantings.

"Doda, why did I send him away?" Ziva cried out during one particularly long and painful contraction.

Twenty minutes later, Ziva was cursing Tony for getting her pregnant. At 1030, a doctor checked Ziva's vitals, the baby's vitals and dilation. She was at 7 cm. "How much longer?" Ziva asked.

"Could be anywhere from two to six hours," Ziva groaned at the response. How much more could she take when she was already feeling as though she had been run over by a battalion of tanks?

1300 came with the Ziva's water breaking, another protein shake and Ziva sobbing uncontrollably. "Doda, I need him to be here; and I sent him back to DC. Why was I so stupid?" Nettie wisely said nothing, but patted her niece's back and wiped her face with the cool cloth. At 1435, Ziva was fully dilated at 10 cm and the contractions were coming strong and hard. She barely had time to recover from one when the next one hit.

Ziva could feel fullness in her groin and the nurse announced that she could see the top of the baby's head. At 1518, she felt a need to push as each contraction hit. Nettie held Ziva's hand and encouraged her to push. Ten minutes later, the doctor announced that the baby's head was now fully outside the birth canal. "Give me one more big push with the next contraction, Ziva."

"UGH; I am exhausted," Ziva moaned as the next contraction started. She bore down and pushed with everything within her. She squeezed her eyes shut and saw Tony's smiling face. She pushed with all her might, "AUUUUGGGGGHHHHH…"

"1532," the doctor announced.

The next thing Ziva heard was the sound of the baby's cries. "Congratulations, Ziva; you have a little girl!" The nurse placed the baby on Ziva's chest. Nettie beamed as her niece wrapped her arms around the baby, tears streaming from her eyes.

"Shalom, yaldati. Welcome to the world," Ziva cooed to her newborn. She was overcome with emotion at the sight of the small miracle in her arms. The baby opened her eyes and Ziva smiled through her tears. "You have your Abba's eyes, little one," she whispered.

The nurse took the baby as the doctor instructed Ziva to push one last time to expel the afterbirth. Ziva pushed and lay back exhausted. The nurse had weighed the baby, measured her length and done the Apgar assessment. She cleaned the little girl gently and put on a newborn sized diaper and then wrapped the baby in a light blanket. She handed the swaddled baby to her mother.

"Three point four kilograms, fifty two centimeters; Apgar 9.5," the nurse told Ziva and Nettie.

Ziva grinned at Nettie through her tears. She had never felt a love like this in her life and it was so good. The only thing missing was Tony and Ziva tried to push those thoughts out of her mind for now. She was so tired from labor and delivery but it was a good tired. The little human in her arms made it all worth the work and pain.


	4. Choosing a Name

Chapter 4: Choosing a Name

As Ziva nodded off, Nettie took the baby from her arms and placed the little one in the bassinette by the bed. After watching the little girl sleep for a few minutes, Nettie quietly slipped from the room and pulled out her cell phone.

She called both Schmeil and Orli and let them know of the baby's arrival. She shared the information on the baby's weigh, length and Apgar score with both. Schmeil asked about a name and Nettie had to reply that she had yet to hear Ziva mention one. She promised to call back when she had the information.

Orli asked if they needed anything, but Nettie replied that what Ziva needed was something Orli could not provide. "She needs to sleep and rest. When we go home, she will be busy enough!"

Nettie walked to the hospital cafeteria to get herself some dinner. She had realized that she had not eaten since the night before at the farmhouse. She purchased some chicken and vegetables with a cup of tea and sat down to eat, hoping that Ziva would be given a meal shortly. She ate one of the cookies that she bought and slipped the other one into a paper napkin to take to Ziva.

As she entered Ziva's room, she heard the baby starting to fuss. Ziva was just waking up from her nap. Nettie smiled at Ziva and went over to the bassinette. She lifted the baby and placed her into Ziva's arms. Ziva smiled shyly as she bared a breast and placed the baby near her nipple. The little girl rutted for a minute and then latched on greedily.

Ziva watched her little girl nurse with tears running down her cheeks. As she nursed the baby, a lactation consultant entered the room.

"Oh, has someone already been here to answer your questions on breast feeding?"

"No," Ziva responded.

"It looks as though you have the hang of it already; you are a natural at it, Ziva. Anyhow, my name is Alina, and if you have any questions, I can help. Here is my card, and you can even call once you go home."

Ziva glanced at the card that the woman placed on the tray near the bed and smiled, "Thank you." Alina nodded and left the room.

"She is beautiful, Zivaleh. She looks like you did as a newborn, except her eyes. You had the eyes of an old soul, but this little one, I do not know. Her eyes…"

"Are her Abba's eyes," Ziva stated simply. She sniffled and wiped at her own eyes with her free hand.

"Call him, Ziva," Nettie suggested. "He needs to know."

"No, Doda," Ziva wanted nothing more than to have Tony right here with her, but she could not disrupt his life with the news of a child. "I will wait until we get home to decide. I do not want to talk about it anymore tonight, please."

Nettie hesitantly nodded, and then changed the subject. "Have you chosen a name for her?"

"Ken, Doda," Ziva smiled at her aunt, "Talia Elisheva DiNozzo."

"You are using his name?"

"Yes, I cannot burden this baby with the curse of the David name. I will not do that to her. Talia after my sister and Elisheva is the Hebrew form of her paternal grandmother's name. She will have at least that part of her father forever." Ziva had thought about names in the sleepless nights when nothing could help her sleep. Had the baby been a boy, she would have named him after his father: Anthony D. DiNozzo, III.

~Tali~

A knock at the door had both women looking up to see Schmeil standing in the doorway.

"Come in, Schmeil!" Ziva greeted her old friend.

"Zivaleh," Schmeil hugged Nettie and then Ziva. Nettie led him to the bassinette where little Tali lay sleeping.

"She is beautiful, Ziva. She looks so much like you and your mother as babies." At that moment, the baby opened her eyes. "Her eyes are so familiar…"

"Her Abba's eyes," Ziva replied softly. She reached out for the baby from Nettie's arms as little Tali started fussing. Nettie handed Ziva a fresh diaper and Ziva quickly changed the baby as her cries started. Ziva could feel the fullness in her breasts and placed Tali at her right side. The baby latched on and began sucking greedily. Ziva was filled with awe at the tiny human in her arms. Her baby, a little girl who was half her and half Tony, a tiny miracle who made her feel so much love.

Ziva used the shawl that Doda Nettie had made for her to cover the nursing baby lightly and provide some privacy while nursing. Tears spilled from her eyes as she spoke to Nettie and Schmeil, "I never knew I could feel so much love. She is perfect, yes?"

Both Nettie and Schmeil smiled at Ziva, nodding their agreement. "Have you named her yet?" Schmeil asked.

"Ken. Talia Elisheva DiNozzo." Ziva beamed.

Schmeil nodded his approval of the name, "Are you going to tell him, Ziva? He deserves to know about his child."

Ziva sighed, "I will think about it after we go home. I do not want to disrupt his life." She grew quiet and Nettie could see her niece retreating into her thoughts. How she hoped the girl would come to her senses and contact the man. She clearly still loved him and needed him in her life, now more than ever. As Schmeil stated, Anthony deserved to know about his child.

Tali paused in her suckling, and Ziva lifted the baby to her shoulder, gently patting her back. The little one burped and then fussed, rutting into her Ima's shoulder. Ziva lowered the baby and placed her at her left breast. Tali rutted a bit and latched on to the nipple, again sucking hungrily. "You have your Abba's appetite!" Ziva smiled through her tears. So much about little Tali reminded her of Tony, but the eyes were the biggest reminder. Every time she looked at her daughter, she would see her soulmate, her love, the man she sent away. She would be reminded of the worst decision of her life, and also the best; she had sent away the one man she loved more than anything; the man to whom she had given her very soul as well as the intimacy of knowing every inch of her body. That intimacy had given her the greatest gift; her daughter.


	5. Doubts and Worries

Chapter 5: Doubts and Worries

Ziva and Tali were discharged at 0930 the following morning. Nettie had gone back to the farmhouse and spent the night there after Schmeil left. She had put the car seat into Ziva's car and also made up the bassinette in Ziva's room. She brought Ziva's car to the hospital the next morning.

Ziva was ready to go when Nettie arrived at her room. She was wearing Tony's OSU shirt that he had left for her. Nettie considered bringing up calling Anthony again, but decided to wait until after Ziva and Tali got settled in at the farmhouse. Ziva had dressed Tali in a purple, green and yellow onesie with small flowers printed all over. She was swaddled in a lilac flannel blanket. At her Doda's look, Ziva smiled, "Yes, Doda, I did buy some things for a baby girl. I had one outfit for a girl and one for a boy packed in my bag."

"Well, be prepared to get an onslaught of girl things from everyone. I know that Orli already went shopping today and Schmeil is planning to get some girl things for Tali later today. And do not be upset if you get some pink clothes. It is natural to buy pink for a girl!" Nettie returned the smile.

"What did you buy, Doda?" Ziva knew when her aunt was being coy. Just by the smile she had given Ziva, she knew that Nettie had purchased something pink and frilly.

"You will see when we get home, Ziva," Nettie turned away to end the conversation for now. She placed the infant seat carrier on the bed so Ziva could get her baby ready for the car. Ziva carefully placed Tali in the seat, making sure her head was in the supports and the harness over her little shoulders. She latched everything in place and checked twice that Tali was secure and properly supported. Nettie smiled to herself; yes, Ziva was a perfectionist, but in this case it was an asset. Better to have little Tali safe than not. Nettie was certain Ziva had probably read the car seat instructions carefully, watched any videos online that she could find and probably even practiced with a teddy bear in the seat.

Once home, Ziva put the still sleeping baby in her bassinette and turned on the baby monitor. Nettie fixed a cup of caffeine-free tea for her niece, who accepted it with a smile, "Toda." Ziva sighed as Nettie indicated the pile of gifts on the dining room table. She did make note of the packages of diapers, grateful for the supply.

Ziva had just started to open the brightly wrapped gifts when they could hear Tali starting to fuss over the baby monitor. Ziva got up and went into her room and lifted the baby from her bassinette. Tali opened her eyes at the contact and blinked as she looked at Ziva. She opened her mouth and let out a wail. Ziva moved to the rocking chair and opened her blouse to let the baby nurse. Tali sucked greedily as Ziva sang to her baby.

After she nursed, burped and changed Tali, Ziva carried the baby out to the dining room and continued opening gifts. Nettie had purchased about a dozen outfits in sizes from Newborn to 6 Months; almost all of the outfits were pink or purple colors and had some sort of frill or "girly" design. Ziva sighed, but just thanked her aunt. Orli had dropped off several onesies and sleepers in multiple sizes. There were some in pink, purple, pastel green, and multiple pastel colors. From Schmeil, there was a bouncy seat and an infant swing, as well as a case of diapers.

Nettie stayed with Ziva and Tali for another five days; she protested when Ziva sent her home, but understood that Ziva wanted to do things on her own. Nettie still came by once each week to give Ziva a chance to go grocery shopping and get out of the house.

Tali's first three weeks passed quickly, and Ziva soon fell into a routine with the baby. As June turned to July, Ziva thought about Tony more and more. She missed him, and wanted so much to have him share in Tali's growth and milestones. But at the same time, she did not want to disrupt his life. She knew if she told him about the baby, he would drop everything and come to her. He would put aside his life in DC. Instead of contacting him, she kept a journal on her computer and added pictures and notes daily about Tali's development.

On the morning of 8 July, Tony's birthday, Ziva debated contacting him. She had a text message all typed out but couldn't make herself hit the send button. She even thought about sending a picture of Tali with the message, but quickly dismissed the idea. No, it was better that she just leave things as they were. For all she knew, he had moved on with his life.

During the day, as Ziva fed the baby, she told Tali about her Abba. "He is strong and handsome, Tali. He can make even Gibbs laugh with his silliness. His is loving and kind, yaldati. I miss him so much, and I wish that I had never sent him away." She told the baby stories about their NCIS days together, and vowed that she would make sure Tali knew her Abba, even if only from pictures and stories. "One day, I will take you to meet your Abba."

After Ziva ate dinner, Tali woke up screaming. Her little hands were clenched in fists and her legs were drawn up. When Ziva went to the baby, she was red in the face. Ziva picked up the little one and cooed at her. Tali arched her back and cried even harder. Ziva quickly prepared to nurse the baby; Tali latched on and suckled for a few minutes, but then started crying again and spit up all that she had ingested. Ziva put the little one on her shoulder and rubbed her back. She tried changing the diaper and even the clothes when Tali kept crying. Nothing seemed to work.

Ziva was about at her wits' end, and in tears herself when Tali finally fell asleep after three hours of wailing. She put the baby back in the bassinette and lay down on her bed, exhausted. Her mind wouldn't stop with the negative thoughts though. What kind of mother was she if she couldn't comfort and console her own baby? Was this the universe mocking her or punishing her for not telling Tony about Tali? And on his birthday of all days! Ziva fell into a fitful sleep from sheer exhaustion.

When the baby woke for her midnight feeding, it was as if nothing had happened earlier. Tali nursed hungrily and made sounds as her mother sang to her. Ziva was relieved that the baby seemed fine and showed no signs of the earlier distress. She rocked and sang to the little girl who soon was back asleep. Ziva placed her in the bassinette and went back to her own bed. Both mother and daughter slept until nearly 0630.

The next evening was a repeat of the day before. Tali cried and was inconsolable for over two hours. She finally cried herself to sleep and Ziva was in tears. She placed Tali in her bed and got on her laptop computer. She searched websites for new mothers and for medical information. From the information she found, it appeared that Tali was suffering from colic. Ziva read about things to avoid in her own diet that could be associated with colic. She printed lists of foods to take out of her diet in hopes that it would help Tali. The nightly crying spells continued and Ziva tried eliminating foods. She was frustrated with her inability to help Tali, often ending up crying with the baby.

At Tali's one month checkup, the pediatrician took one look at Ziva and asked if there were any problems. Ziva at first was going to say no, but she answered truthfully. She shared about the crying spells and her research that indicated that Tali may have colic. The pediatrician gave Ziva a list of foods to avoid in her own diet (the same list she had already printed) and some tips on how to calm the little girl when the crying started.

After lots of trial and error, Ziva found that swaddling Tali and then putting her in the bouncy seat from Schmeil along with playing a DVD on the TV seemed to work many nights. The Disney movie "Cars" was one that almost always worked to end the crying. There were still some nights that nothing worked. Ziva would be in tears on those nights, wishing for Tony to be there, and trying to keep the demons in her mind from thoughts that she was a bad mother. She figured out that when she stressed out, Tali's crying increased. She found ways to relax herself, especially during the crying spells, and it helped Tali to calm faster.

Writing about the colicky nights in her journal also helped Ziva. When she reread some of the nightly entries, she was able to realize that she had indeed helped Tali by being willing to experiment with ideas and to find ways to comfort the baby. At Nettie's suggestion, she also made sure to record a milestone each week; some weeks there were more than one. Slowly, both mother and daughter were healing and growing. Little Tali was becoming more interactive with her surroundings and progressing in leaps and bounds. When she first smiled at Ziva, her Ima cried happy tears and took almost twenty pictures of the smiling baby. As the smile progressed to a full on grin, Ziva could see that Tali had the DiNozzo grin to a tee.

Ziva also was healing; the negative thoughts became less and she focused on positives more than ever before. Tali had given a purpose to her new life and a way to redefine herself towards a better life, an affirmation of a positive role, and away from who she had been. In many ways, Tali saved Ziva from herself. The little one had that in common with her Abba.

September came along with its memories of the previous year. Tali's crying spells started tapering off and finally ended altogether in mid-September.


	6. I Can Do This!

Chapter 6: I Can Do This

With the colicky phase finally over, Tali and Ziva settled into a routine. Mother and daughter seemed to be attuned to each other. Ziva learned to schedule her time around Tali's feeding and nap times. She often took Tali for walks in the orchard or olive grove. She had found an infant sling carrier that Tali loved at the baby store in Tel Aviv. She could carry Tali while she did chores or while walking outdoors with her hands free.

When Tali outgrew the sling, Ziva found a carrier for older infants that she could wear as a backpack or on the front with Tali facing outward. For walks on the property, it worked well for quite some time, but as Tali got more coordinated with her hands, Ziva had to be careful what came within the baby's reach.

Once each week, Nettie would stay with Tali while Ziva had some "me time," whether it was going grocery shopping alone, spending some time alone in Tel Aviv or just walking by herself in the orchard or olive grove. Ziva learned to cherish the time to herself as time to replenish and relax. She sometimes wrote in her journal or wrote long letters to Tony, saving the files on her computer, but never sending them.

As the High Holidays approached, Ziva thought back to the previous year. How she still missed Tony! This year she would not be fasting since she was nursing the baby. In the week between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, she almost sent Tony an email asking him to forgive her for not telling him about Tali sooner. She had it all typed out, but could not make herself click 'send.'

"Forgive me, Tony," she whispered into the darkness of her room. "I cannot bring myself to tell you and disrupt your life." A tear slid down her face as she caressed the picture of him that she kept by her bed. "You will be happy to know that Ziva David is almost happy. I am an Ima and that makes me happy. I only wish that I had not sent you away. Ani ohevet otach."

October quickly followed the High Holidays. Ziva avoided taking Tali out into public as much as possible. The only places Tali went were to the pediatrician, to Nettie's house and to the Haifa beach house. If Ziva had errands to do or grocery shopping, she had her aunt stay with Tali at the farmhouse. Ziva still had that innate need for her personal life to be private and away from eyes that could potentially do harm to her or to her daughter. Only Schmeil, Nettie and Orli of the people from Ziva's life before becoming a mother knew about Tali. Ziva was very content to keep it that way.

On her birthday, Ziva had a follow up appointment with Dr. Oppenheim. She left Tali with her Doda at the farmhouse and headed to Tel Aviv for her appointment. Something felt off on the drive to the doctor's office, but Ziva couldn't pinpoint what was getting her senses on edge. After the appointment (and a bill of good health) Ziva headed to the grocery market to buy food for the upcoming week. She had the feeling that she was being followed while she was shopping and hurried to complete her purchases.

In the parking lot, as she was loading the bags into her car, she was certain she was being watched. A panel truck that was parked about twenty feet away raised her hackles. She got into the driver's seat of her car and slowly checked under the seat with her hand; the small handgun was still there in the sling under the seat. Her eyes studied the parking lot and kept coming back to the panel truck. She slowly pulled out of the parking lot onto the street and observed the truck in her rearview mirrors.

As she eased into the traffic, the truck moved towards the street. It turned in the same direction she had and followed her at about a half block back. Just when she was going to try some evasive maneuvers, the truck turned onto a cross-street. She let out a breath that she didn't even realize that she had been holding; maybe she was being paranoid. Orli had assured her that there was no longer much international chatter about Eli. Ziva hoped it stayed that way.

At home, she carried the groceries inside, while Nettie was watching a Disney movie with Tali. She put the food away and was about to go into the living room when her phone chimed for an incoming text message.

' _Yom huledet sameach, sweet cheeks! Ani ohev otcha. T_ ' Ziva read and reread the message from Tony several times. Her eyes filled with tears. He remembered her on her day! She hadn't expected anything from him, but had secretly hoped she would have a text. She debated about replying, typing a brief ' _Toda!_ ' but not hitting send three times. She was interrupted from her internal mind war by Tali's fussing.

"She is getting hungry, Zivaleh," Nettie carried the baby to the kitchen. "I could give her a bottle, but she knows you are here. I think she would prefer her Ima over the bottle!" Nettie smiled at her niece as she handed the baby over. "I will go move the laundry from the dryer and move the next load from washer to dryer while you feed her.'

"First we will have the rice cereal, then some Ima milk," Ziva talked to her baby as she mixed the cereal with some pureed peaches. She sat Tali in her high chair and put the bib on her. Tali watched her Ima bring the food dish to the table and opened her mouth for the spoon as Ziva scooped a bit of food onto it. "You have your Abba's appetite for sure, yaldati. Always ready to eat!" Tali finished the cereal and fruit mixture rapidly. Ziva wiped the baby's face and lifted her from the chair. Tali knew that nursing was next and tugged at her Ima's shirt.

Ziva laughed, "You are just as impatient as your Abba when it comes to food, little one!" She sat in the rocking chair and undid the front of her top. Tali barely gave her mother time to bare her breast before she latched on and drank greedily.

"Your Abba sent me a text today, Tali. He wished me a happy birthday and he also said that he loved me," Ziva told her baby. "Oh, yaldati, I still love him so much. He is a good man, Tali, and one day you will meet him. Maybe you will help me find the courage to contact him, motek."

Nettie stood in the doorway, unseen by Ziva, and listened to Ziva tell her grandniece about her Abba. Nettie's heart broke for all that Ziva had suffered through by being so stubborn about contacting Anthony. Tali deserved to know her Abba and he deserved to know his daughter. Why could Ziva not see that? She said a silent prayer that Ziva would come to her senses and find her way back to the man she loved with all of her being. Her one wish for Ziva and Tali was that they would reunite with Anthony and be a family in the near future.

Nettie made a sound to signal to Ziva that she was near. "Zivaleh, I put away all of Tali's freshly washed clothes. Her sheets and towels are in the dryer. I am going to head home, if that is okay with you."

"Toda, Doda. We are fine," Ziva kissed her aunt's cheek as the older woman bent to hug Ziva and place a gentle kiss on her grandniece's forehead as she was being burped.

"Happy birthday, Ziva. Tell him, motek. He deserves to know."

Ziva sighed, "Doda, we have already had this conversation…"

About ten days after she had seen the panel truck at the market, Ziva saw it again parked near the orchard on the public road. She had just come from grocery shopping. Without being too obvious, she took a picture of the truck with her phone and captured its license plate in one of the shots. She sent the pictures to Orli with a message: ' _Followed me in Tel Aviv 11.12 and now parked by orchard._ "

Thirty minutes later, she had a reply, ' _Be careful; truck similar to one known to be associated with freelance killer for hire. Will meet you soon at a secure location._ ' Ziva read Orli's reply and cursed out loud in four languages. Would the curse of her father ever leave? No matter what, Ziva would protect Tali with her life. If anyone, ANY one, tried to harm Tali, they would see the full wrath of Ziva David: Mossad officer, Kidon assassin, NCIS special agent, and mama grizzly bear all rolled into one package.


	7. Ebb and Flow

Chapter 7: Ebb and Flow

Orli met with Ziva at Mossad headquarters on the fourth Thursday in November. Ziva had been in Tel Aviv to do the grocery shopping as usual that week. When she arrived at the market, two Mossad officers had escorted her to a waiting car. She was taken to Orli's private office and briefed on the known assassin for hire that was associated with a van similar to the one that had followed Ziva.

Orli's agents had arrested the van's occupants and grilled them for three days as to why they were following Ziva and who had hired them. All three, two men and a woman, denied everything at first, but when one of the men broke and told the details of what the trio had been hired to do, the other two quickly added what they knew. The group had been hired through a South American agency to verify that Ziva was living in Israel and not in the United States. Other than that bit of information, the trio had nothing useful.

Orli assured Ziva that Mossad would continue to monitor activity related to the trio and the dummy agency and keep her in the loop if the information pertained to her or Tali. Ziva hoped that Orli's statement that the apparent threat had been neutralized was true. She really wanted to escape having to continually watch over her shoulder or to keep Tali hidden from the majority of the world. The curse of Eli David had to go away sooner or later, sooner if Ziva had any input.

On her way home from the grocery shopping, Ziva realized that the day was the American Thanksgiving Day. She wondered if her family was together for the holiday. Memories of celebrating the holiday with them at Ducky's house flooded back. She smiled as she remembered her first Thanksgiving dinner with the team in 2009. All of them had rearranged plans for the holiday to be at Ducky's. She also remembered Thanksgiving 2012, when Tony had surprised her with a virtual opera in memory of her sister. When she had arrived at Ducky's condo after listening to the performance on Tim's surround sound system in the squad room, she had found Tony immediately and thanked him. They had shared kisses until Abby had come looking for the pair to let them know dinner was served. Ziva smiled through her tears as she remembered the holiday from two years ago.

The rest of November was uneventful and quiet; there were no more sightings of the truck. Ziva didn't let her guard down, but she did not feel that she was being watched any more. December rolled in and Ziva prepared for Tali's first Chanukah and Christmas. Ziva had decided that Tali would know the traditions from both of her heritage religions.

The two holidays fell consecutively in 2014. The first night of Chanukah was 16 December and the final day ended on 24 December. Ziva didn't plan anything too over the top; since Tali was only six months old, she wouldn't understand much of the holidays. She took the family menorah out of storage and purchased new candles for it at the market. She also found a large colorful dreidel that would catch Tali's attention. Each night, Ziva recited the blessings and lit the candles with Tali watching her Ima. After the candles were lit, Ziva spun the colorful dreidel, making Tali laugh.

Ziva also shared stories of her own memories of Chanukah with her Ima and sister. She told Tali about her Abba's first Chanukah celebrated in the United States. Most of all, she told the baby about her Abba. She showed Tali a picture of herself and Tony together and pointed to each of them, "Ima. Abba." She helped Tali point to her parents in the photo, repeating the names, "Ima. Abba."

Ziva kept the gifts to a minimum, but she did give Tali some toys. She found a set of blocks that Tali immediately put into her mouth and grinned at her mother. Ziva had to wipe at her eyes at the sight; Tony's grin and eyes were also Tali's. Ziva put up a live Christmas tree on the twenty-second of December. She put on strings of lights, plastic ornaments, and paper stars that she found from a street vendor in Haifa. Tali was mesmerized by the lights, clapping her chubby hands and laughing.

Ziva had one large Christmas gift for Tali; a multisided activity center with all sorts of activities to help with Tali's motor skills. She also found a collection of soft play mat sets with soft animals for a farm, a zoo, a ranch and a house, which were Chanukah gifts. As she was heading to the checkout at the toy store, she also spotted an adorable plush dog. The light brown dog was made of soft fabric and had brown floppy ears. It was just the right size for little hands to grasp onto. Little did she know at the time that "Kelev" would quickly become one of Tali's favorite toys.

After Tali was asleep for the night on Christmas Eve, Ziva brought out the activity center and took the toy out of the box. She placed it near the tree and also put the plush dog by the tree. She had decided to tell Tali that the dog was from her Abba. Ziva had debated wrapping the gifts but chose not to do so since Tali would not understand the significance or the traditions until she was much older. Ziva put the lights on and sat on the sofa. She browsed through the pictures on her laptop of prior Christmases with her NCIS family and with Tony.

She lingered over the pictures from 2012, when she and Tony had spent the entire two days off from work together on 24 and 25 December. The team and Tony's father had celebrated the holiday on 22 December at Ducky's condo. Senior had left the following day for some business deal in Europe. Tony had actually been relieved when he left, even though the two had made some steps to reconciliation. Senior had given Tony two treasured family items; the family signet ring and his mother's engagement ring.

One of the pictures on her computer had been taken by him; he had called it a "practice run." Tony had slipped his mother's ring on to her left ring finger, grinning like the charmer he could be. "One day, Zi, I will put it there for good." She had grinned back at him as he snapped a picture with his phone. Ziva wiped a tear from her eye as she remembered the moment. Why, why had she sent him away? That ring had been on her finger for sixteen days a little over a year ago.

Brushing at the tears that were forming and threatening to spill over, she clicked to the next picture. She had caught Tony in a candid moment of watching her, the love for her so evident in his eyes and on his face. She stroked her finger on his image on the screen. "Ani ohevet otcha, Tony." The same picture was still on her phone, and she had printed it. The physical image was in a frame in her bedroom.

She placed the computer on the coffee table, and pulled up the image on her phone, curling on her side on the sofa and letting the tears fall. Tony, her soulmate, the only man she would ever love, was around 9500 kilometers away, when she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms right now. She wanted to feel his hands running through her curls, his lips on hers, his hands caressing her body. She fell asleep with thoughts of him swirling through her mind.

Ziva was awakened by the sun shining in her face on Christmas morning. She quickly sat up and checked the time on her phone; 0730! She shot up and headed to Tali's room. The baby was sitting in her tripod sit swatting at the two plush toys in the crib. She looked up as Ziva entered the room, falling to her side in the process. Tali laughed at her Ima and Ziva couldn't help but laugh with the little one. Tali really was an easy baby after the colicky spell had ended.

Ziva picked up the baby and changed her diaper. Mother and daughter moved to the kitchen for breakfast; Tali moving excitedly in her Ima's grasp as they got closer to the kitchen. "Motek, you really are your Abba's daughter. You get excited about food just as he does!" Ziva put the baby in her high chair and placed a handful of Cheerios on the tray as she prepared their breakfast.

After the breakfast of scrambled eggs, apple sauce and cereal, Ziva nursed Tali. The baby was starting to lose interest in nursing with the solid foods she had been eating. Ziva had tried using a sippy cup with Tali with mixed success. She figured the little one just needed more practice with drinking from the cup. At the same time, she was saddened that she would soon no longer be nursing. She had used the feeding times as one opportunity to tell Tali stories of her Abba and NCIS family.

After breakfast, Ziva gave Tali a bath and then dressed her in a Christmas-y red dress. She also dressed festively, in a red and green top that she had worn in DC for the Christmas holidays. She carried her daughter to the Christmas tree and switched on the lights, to Tali's squeals of delight. She put the baby down by the activity center and watched as the little girl looked the new toy over. Tali reached out a hand to touch the brightly colored knobs, levers, and other interactives.

Ziva made sure to snap several pictures with her phone, to be added to the ever growing folder on her laptop computer. She sat on the floor with Tali and showed the child the activities. Mother and daughter were still playing on the floor when Nettie entered the room. She paused, watching the two interact. While she was grateful that Tali had brought out a softer side of Ziva, she still wished for the family to be whole. Anthony needed to be here to complete the picture.

"Shalom, Doda," Ziva had heard her aunt enter the room and stop in the doorway. Ziva turned her attention back to Tali when the little girl spotted the plush dog and leaned towards the animal, reaching her chubby hands in its direction.

"Shalom, Ziva and Tali," Nettie moved into the room and scooped up the brown dog, handing it to Tali as she sat on the floor next to her niece and grandniece. Tali pulled the toy to her, mouthing the ears.

"I was going to tell her that the dog is from her Abba," Ziva explained. "I want her to know him as loving and kind."

Nettie nodded her approval, "Just call him, Ziva. He deserves to know!"

Ziva sighed, "He should have known a year ago." She spoke softly, hoping her aunt didn't hear her words, but Nettie did.

"Zivaleh, it is not too late. Call him. Do not live with the regret of not telling him!"

Ziva just shook her head; she and Nettie had had this discussion over and over. Instead she changed the subject, "I am making lasagna for dinner."

Nettie smiled, but inside was still troubled; why was Ziva so stubborn about contacting the man? "I hope you are using his recipe, motek!"

"Of course!" Ziva smiled as she remembered Tony making lasagna for Aunt Nettie. Sixteen long months ago; they had been happy for the most part in August 2013. Nettie noticed the smile on Ziva's face and put a hand on her niece's arm. Ziva turned and Nettie could see tears forming in the younger woman's eyes.

Nettie took Tali from Ziva and turned to the activity center, getting the baby to reach for a picture of a dog on one of the panels. "Kelev, Tali," Nettie said as Tali touched the dog picture. "Kelev," Nettie held up the stuffed dog for Tali to grab. "Kelev."

Ziva, meanwhile, stood and wiped at her eyes. She watched her daughter and her aunt play on the floor for a few minutes and took out her phone to take a picture. She snapped several and then opened the saved pictures folder on the phone. She brought up the image of Tony to full screen and gently touched his image. "Ani ohevet otcha," she whispered. "Merry Christmas."

She scrolled to the picture of the Christmas tree that she had taken the night before and hit 'share.' She typed Tony's personal email address in the 'to' line, add the words Merry Christmas in the subject line and hit send. She let out a breath that she didn't realize that she had been holding. She had done the first step to contacting him and it made her happy and unsettled at the same time. She closed the app on the phone and put the device in her pocket.

Nettie spent the day with Ziva and Tali, enjoying their company and watching Tali explore her new toys. Ziva had chopped up some of the lasagna for Tali's meal and the baby had eaten all that Ziva offered her hungrily. Ziva joked that her Abba's genes must have included her appetite for lasagna and food in general. Tali grinned at her Ima, a DiNozzo grin to the max! Ziva took more pictures with her phone, intending to upload all the pictures from the day to her computer after Tali went to bed for the night.

Tali finally went to sleep that night about 2100. Ziva kissed the little girl good night and went to the living room. She switched on the lights for the Christmas tree and sat on the sofa with her laptop. She connected the phone to the computer to upload pictures from the day. She smiled at the pictures of Tali enjoying her first Chanukah and Christmas.

She noticed that her email app showed a message in her inbox. Had Tony replied? She held her breath as she anxiously opened her inbox. She let out a snort when she saw the message; the email she had sent to him earlier that day had not gone through. She read the rejection message and realized that she had typed only one 'z' in 'dinozzo' when she had manually entered the address. Was the universe mocking her or was this a sign that she should not contact him? Her thoughts raced with conflicting ideas. She really wanted to send him a message, but after this one did not get through, she wondered if it was meant to be. She decided to sleep on resending the picture and greeting, closing the computer and placing it on the coffee table.

Her thoughts swirled with images and memories of Tony. She would have stayed that way except for a noise from the front porch. She quickly grabbed the knife and gun she kept on the top shelf of the bookcase by the door and peeked out into the yard. She saw a movement near the bottom of the steps and what looked to be a shadowy figure running towards the olive grove. She slowly opened the door, aimed her gun and silently stepped out onto the porch. She stayed silent, listening to the rustle of the trees. Someone or something was definitely moving away from the house through the olive trees.

The pre-Tali Ziva would have been in the olive grove already, stealthily following the intruder and accosting him or her by surprise. Instead, the protective mama bear in Ziva took over. She would secure her house and her child against whoever dared to intrude. She quickly assessed the porch for any objects or indications of intrusion. Seeing none, she went back inside and locked all of the doors and turned out all but the Christmas tree lights. She made sure the back door was secured and moved the table in front of the door.

Back in the living room, she sat on the couch with her weapons by her side, silently listening. She heard Tali sigh in her sleep and smiled as the baby snored slightly. That trait Tali got from both parents! At some point, Ziva fell asleep and the rest of the night was uneventful.


	8. Unsettled

Chapter 8: Unsettled

With the sunrise, Ziva was awake and checking the porch and yard. There was a distinct set of footprints from the olive trees to the house and back. Ziva sent a cryptic text message to Orli's private cell: ' _We need to walk in the olive grove and trace the footsteps of those who went before us. Secure all entrances and exits._ ' She had just sent the message when she heard Tali awakening.

Ziva moved silently to her baby's room and watched the little one from the doorway as Tali played with her feet and the plush dog. The mother smiled at the innocence and joy in her child; she would do anything in her power to keep that innocence for as long as possible. Tali would have the childhood Ziva never had if her mother had her way. Ziva realized that desire had to include Tony being a part of Tali's life. Her little girl needed two parents who loved her and doted on her. Ziva resolved to contact Tony soon and to figure out how to tell him about his child.

Ziva was about to go to Tali when her phone chimed with an incoming text message. She glanced to see it was from Orli and quickly swiped the screen to read the message. ' _At the time for the scholar, we shall pay the dollar to examine the trees._ '

Orli would be there at 1000. Ziva was glad and relieved that the Mossad Director had responded so quickly. As much as she had disliked Orli years ago, she was coming to view her as a friend and confidante. Having the Director of Mossad on speed dial was ironic to Ziva, but she was grateful for the older woman's genuine concern and caring.

Tali whimpered as she heard her Ima nearby. Ziva moved quickly to pick up the baby and then changed her diaper. "Let us go get some breakfast, Tali. How about some egg, cereal and berries again?" Ziva put Tali on her hip and headed towards the kitchen. Tali bounced on her Ima as she saw that they were going to get food.

By the time that mother and daughter had eaten breakfast, Tali had nursed, and then Ziva had given the baby a bath and dressed her, it was almost 0900. Ziva placed Tali on the floor in her bedroom with some toys and took a quick shower. She dressed and then waited for Orli to arrive.

Ziva heard the approach of multiple vehicles in the driveway. She looked out to see Orli's Mossad vehicle accompanied by four other vehicles parking by the house. Orli's driver opened the door and the Director of Mossad stepped out into Ziva's driveway. Ziva opened the front door, "Shalom, Orli. Why did you bring all of these people and vehicles?" Tali spotted Orli and smiled at her Ima's friend.

"Ziva, I will explain in a few minutes. Let me get the teams working on finding evidence for us," Orli replied. She then turned to the two teams of Mossad officers in the driveway, giving them orders and sending them to do their jobs. The teams scattered into the orchard, olive grove and around the outside of the house. She turned back to Ziva, who was standing at the front door with Tali still in her arms.

"Come into my car, Ziva. We need to talk where it is secure from listeners." Orli motioned Ziva over to the vehicle, holding the door nearest the porch open for Ziva to get in. Once Ziva was inside with Tali in her lap, Orli walked around and got in the other side. She shut the door and pressed a button which activated the locks on the vehicle doors, raised the privacy screens on all windows in the rear compartment and enabled the security devices to prevent any eavesdropping, both audio and video blocked. Ziva's eyes widened and Orli quickly assured her that it was necessary for the measures to be taken.

"Ziva, please be assured that I have taken every precaution to keep what I am about to tell you private. It is for your ears only. No one other than the two of us will know unless you choose to tell them." Orli's words gave little comfort to Ziva.

"Hello, Tali," Orli smiled at the baby and handed her a plush bear. Tali took the toy and put it into her mouth, grinning at the Mossad Director. "Ziva, this is more than a toy. It contains a microchip that can be tracked should anything happen to you or to Tali. Make sure the bear goes with you if you must leave." Ziva swallowed hard and nodded that she understood.

"I have obtained some information from international chatter that indicates that several enemies of your father and of Mossad are trying to find his private files. They believe those files contain information that can be damaging to their groups and to those who were very glad to learn of your father's demise. I have searched Mossad and your father's apartment in Tel Aviv that was provided for him by the government. I have found no files."

"I do not know of these private files," Ziva spoke for the first time. "I was no longer privy to Eli's secrets when he was killed. He and I were not on good terms for the last three years of his life."

"I know that, Ziva. He was trying to make amends when he came to see you. He regretted that he had driven a wedge between you two. But, his enemies do not know that. They believe that you must have the files since you are the daughter of Eli David. To them, you are another enemy to be dealt with, just as they dealt with your father.

"I ask for your permission to search this property for the files," Orli made eye contact with Ziva. 'I believe the files are somewhere in the house or on the property."

Ziva shook her head, "No, they are not here. I do not want my house torn apart searching for something that is not here. I do not want Tali's and my life disrupted."

"Please, Ziva. Let my teams search the house for any hidden spaces. I promise they will not tear the house apart or cause any damage. When they find something, they will be very careful in extracting it." Orli placed her hand on Ziva's free hand. "Once the files are removed, you will no longer be a target of the enemies of your father. I will make it known that the files are in the hands of Mossad."

Ziva frowned, and thought about what Orli had said. "Okay, I will let you look for the files, but they are to do no damage and they must replace anything moved about. If something is found, I do not want to know what it is. I am no longer an officer or agent. I am Tali's mother and I will protect my baby at all costs."

As Orli released the secure mode on the vehicle, Ziva sighed and hugged her daughter closely. Maybe this would give her the courage to finally contact Tony now that she could be free of the reach of Eli's enemies and of the curse of her father.

Four hours later, the Mossad teams moved the last piece of furniture back to its place. Their imaging equipment had not found any hidden spaces in the walls nor in the floors of the house. The attic yielded no files either. The teams outside had not found anything except Ziva's buried "I Will" list in the olive grove. When she had explained what the metal box contained, they had reburied it after she showed them the contents.

"Now what?" Ziva asked Orli as the teams packed up their equipment into the vehicles they came in.

"I will discretely let it be known that the files are not here, and that will hopefully end the interest in this house. I will have a security detail check on you and the property." Orli wished she had some better answer for Ziva.

"Does it never end?" Ziva sighed, "All I want is to live my life in peace, and be a mother to my little girl. I want to be free of the curse of Eli David!"

Orli hugged Ziva, trying to reassure the younger woman, "Do not be so harsh, Ziva. Eli loved you and he wanted to make amends. Forgive him so that you can move forward." She left with her entourage, promising to come for dinner soon. Ziva put Tali down for her nap, Orli's words echoing in her mind.

Things stayed quiet for the next several months and Ziva slowly relaxed her vigilance over her home. She wanted Tali to be free from having to look over her shoulder and worry about others trying to harm her or mother. She also knew that her worry over the events carried over to Tali indirectly. She promised herself to keep a positive outlook for Tali. Every opportunity Ziva had, she told Tali about her Abba and they started a nightly routine of saying good night to Abba by proxy with the picture of Tony and Ziva in Paris that Ziva had put in Tali's room.

Several times, Ziva started to write a letter or an email to Tony, telling him about Tali. Every time she tried to send it, she could not. She remembered the threat of her father's enemies and it stopped her from hitting send.


	9. Has It Been a Year Already?

Chapter 9: Has it been a Year Already?

Ziva woke to the sound of Tali fussing via the baby monitor. She glanced at her clock; 0630. Today was a big day and she had hoped her little girl would sleep a bit longer. No such luck! Today Tali would be one year old. Ziva could hardly believe a year had gone by already.

She went to Tali's room to find the little one standing in her crib. Tali spotted her Ima and whined softly, reaching her hands towards her mother. Ziva noticed the drool soaked pajamas; she was pretty sure Tali was cutting molars.

"Boker tov, Tali," Ziva picked up the baby and hugged her. "Did you sleep well, yaldati?" She moved to the changing table and stripped the wet sleeper off, tossing it into the hamper. She changed Tali's diaper and put a bright purple onesie on her.

Ziva picked the baby up and shifted Tali onto her left hip. "Shall we get some breakfast?" Tali grinned at her Ima and squirmed excitedly as mother and daughter headed to the kitchen.

Ziva placed Tali in her high chair and took a food dish from the closet. She put some chopped peaches into one section of the dish and then several Cheerios into another section. In the third section, she placed a handful of chopped scrambled egg. Tali watched her mother prepare the plate of food.

Ziva placed the dish on the tray of Tali's high chair, making sure the suction base secured the dish to the tray. Tali grabbed food greedily and shoved it into her mouth with both hands. Ziva laughed at her baby.

"You have your Abba's appetite, motek!"

Tali grinned at her Ima with her mouth full of food. Ziva put juice into a sippy cup and put the lid on the cup. She placed it on the table, out of Tali's reach for now and got herself a bowl of fruit and yogurt. She sat down next to her daughter and ate her breakfast. Tali made a sound and Ziva gave her a spoonful of yogurt.

"Mmm…" Tali smacked her lips and smiled. She opened her mouth for more. Ziva obliged her little one, laughing at her antics.

"Today is your birthday, Tali," Ziva used her spoon to wipe some food from around Tali's mouth. "We will have a party this afternoon with Doda Nettie, Orli, and maybe Schmeil."

Tali continued to shove food into her mouth as her mother talked. "You will have a birthday cake and ice cream. There will be presents to open and Ima will take pictures to put into the memory book. Some day we will show those pictures to Abba."

"BA-BA!" Tali repeated. "Ba-ba."

"Oh, Tali; Abba is not here," Ziva sighed. "I wish I had told him about you; maybe he would be here for your first birthday."

"Ba-ba."

"Yes, Tali. And I am Ima," Ziva tried to get the little girl to repeat her name, "I-ma."

"M-ma."

"Good girl, Tali." Ziva pointed to herself, "Ima!"

"M-ma. Ba-ba." Tali pointed to her sippy cup.

Ziva handed the sippy cup to Tali and helped her get the cup to her mouth. Tali drank the juice and grinned. She took another sip and threw the cup on the floor, laughing. Ziva leaned down and picked up the cup, handing it back to Tali.

The little one took another sip, and threw the cup on the floor again. She laughed as Ziva bent to pick it up. Ziva sighed; this seemed to be Tali's new game in the past week or so. The grin the baby gave her mother reminded Ziva of Tony so much. She wondered how he would react to Tali's antics.

After breakfast, Ziva gave Tali a bath and dressed the little girl in a one piece outfit that Nettie had bought for her. There was a tutu like skirt attached to the shorts on the bottom and a t-shirt type top with the words 'I am 1' printed on the front. The outfit was purple and blue with splashes of yellow and green on the sleeves. Ziva had to admit that Tali did look cute in the frills. She took several pictures as Tali stood by the coffee table in the living room. So far, the baby had tried steps holding on to furniture or to her Ima, but she wasn't quite walking. She did like to stand; Ziva thought it funny that Tali would almost constantly babble when she was standing up. Had to be DiNozzo genes!

Ziva was watching Tali play with one of her play mats from Chanukah, picking up the animals and babbling and making the sound for that animal. She took a few candid shots with her phone camera before Tali realized that her mother was watching her. The little girl grinned at her Ima, a full on DiNozzo grin, and laughed when Ziva feigned surprise at her antics.

When Tali lost interest in the current toys, Ziva put _Cars 3_ on the DVD player. Tali crawled over to sit in front of the television, her attention focused on the screen; another trait that the little one inherited from her father. Tali could sit still for almost an entire Disney animated video, fascinated with the moving images and sounds. While the baby was watching the video, Ziva brought the birthday presents she had bought for Tali from her room. She had wrapped them in birthday paper in bright colors, knowing that Tali loved to tear paper.

Ziva glanced over at Tali as she put the presents on the table, out of her daughter's reach for now. She did a double take; the expression on Tali's face as she concentrated on the movie so reminded Ziva of Tony that she almost gasped out loud. Tears formed in her eyes, and she quickly moved to wipe them away. She missed her soulmate so much and silently cursed her actions from nearly two years ago when she sent him away.' _He should be here_ ,' her heart screamed.

Ziva moved over to sit with Tali and watch the video. She was partly paying attention, her mind still thinking of Tony. One of the characters spoke words that resonated with Ziva deeply, " _You can't turn back the clock, kid. But you can wind it up again_."

Ziva drew Tali into her lap and hugged her baby, "That is so very true, yaldati. It is time for your Ima to stop living with past regrets and start making plans for the future I want to happen. Tali, I love your Abba with all of my heart that does not already belong to you. I will find a way to make sure you know your Abba and maybe even a way to make us a family."

Ziva retreated into her thoughts as Tali continued to watch the video. The arrival of Nettie broke Ziva from her thoughts. Tali stood up and grinned as Doda Nettie came over to the pair.

"Shalom, Tali. Shalom, Ziva," Nettie bent to pick up Tali and hug her. "Yom huledet sameach, Tali!" She blew kisses on Tali's cheek as the baby laughed. Tali placed a sloppy baby kiss on Nettie's cheek causing the older woman to laugh with the baby. Ziva smiled, still distracted by the thoughts in her head.

Nettie looked over at her niece, "Zivaleh, you are lost in your head again. Tell him!"

"Oh, Doda, I wish I could. He has probably moved on from me. Maybe he has forgotten all about me," Ziva inwardly grimaced. Her excuses sounded so lame even to her. ' _You cannot turn back the clock, but you can rewind it_ ,' echoed from her heart. "I am sorry, Doda. That was a terrible thing to say. Let us not discuss this anymore today. Let us be happy for our little one year old!" Ziva tickled Tali and laughed as her little girl squealed with laughter.

The three moved into the kitchen so that Ziva could prepare lunch for them. Tali sat in Nettie's lap for a few minutes but when she realized that her mother was making lunch, she squirmed to get down. Nettie set her on the floor, standing by her side. Ziva and Nettie chatted about the weather and neither one was looking directly at Tali.

"M-ma," Tali said. Nettie looked at the baby who was taking tentative steps towards her Ima.

"Ziva," Nettie spoke quietly. "Turn around very slowly and look behind you."

"Why?"

"Just do it, Ziva!"

Ziva turned and watched Tali take the last five steps to her, grabbing her Ima's legs when she reached her goal. Tali looked up and grinned. "Tali! That was terrific, yaldati! You can walk!" Ziva scooped her up and hugged the baby. "I am so proud of you!"

Tali clapped her hands, still grinning and looking between her Ima and her Doda. "AY! M-ma! Ba – Ba! Da! AY!" Ziva's tears flooded her eyes; she quickly swiped a hand over her face. Tali patted her Ima's face with her hand. "M-ma!" Ziva gave up and let her tears fall.

After lunch and Tali had been put in her crib for a nap, Ziva and Nettie decorated the living room and dining room with balloons, streamers and a Cars-themed poster that said 'Happy Birthday.' They put the wrapped presents on the coffee table where Tali would be able to reach them. Ziva expected Orli to arrive around 1500. She had purchased a half dozen cupcakes, including a special larger one with candy in the 'Cars' theme for Tali. She put a disposable plastic tablecloth under Tali's high chair anticipating the mess to come. She would strip the little girl down to her diaper and turn her loose with the cupcake.

Orli arrived about the same time Tali woke up from her nap. Ziva went to get Tali while Nettie greeted Orli at the front door. "Shalom, Orli," Nettie hugged the Mossad director.

"Shalom, Nettie. I have gifts for Tali, both from me and from Schmeil. He had to go out of country and sent his regrets." Orli motioned to the pile of brightly wrapped gifts in the rear seat of her car. The two women carried the packages inside, Nettie leading the way to the coffee table with the other gifts. They added the packages to the pile, and sat on the sofa to chat as they waited for Ziva to bring the birthday girl out from her nap.

Ziva walked into the living room with Tali in her arms, "Look Tali, Orli is here and there are lots of presents for you to open, yaldati." Tali looked at where her Ima was pointing, spotting the brightly wrapped gifts and breaking into her DiNozzo grin. She squirmed in Ziva's arms, trying to get down.

"What a grin!" Orli smiled at the baby. "She has her father's grin and eyes, Ziva."

Ziva sat on the floor and place Tali by the coffee table. The little girl reached for the ribbons on one of the gifts. "Will one of you take pictures please?" Ziva handed her phone across the table as Nettie nodded her assent.

Ziva brought the gift with the ribbons to her lap and Tali turned and stepped to her Ima. "She is walking?" Orli exclaimed.

"As of today," Ziva replied. "She took her first steps on her own in the kitchen at lunch time." Ziva showed Tali how to rip the wrapping paper and that was all that was needed to have paper bits flying everywhere. Tali laughed and squealed and tore paper.

When they had unwrapped the first package, Tali was ready to rip another, but Ziva kept the baby's attention when she opened the box. Inside was a set of board books about animals from Schmeil. Tali loved her books, a trait that was all Ziva. As Ziva pulled the books from the box, Tali clapped her hands and squealed loudly. Orli captured it all on video on Ziva's phone.

Other presents included a soft-bodied baby doll and play shopping cart from Orli; several dresses and play sets from Nettie; and a baby learning tablet, Disney DVDs and a plush bear from Ziva. On the DVDs package she had written ' _With love from Abba_.' After opening the gifts, Ziva stripped Tali to her diaper as Nettie put the cupcakes on the dining table.

The three women sang 'Happy Birthday' to the little girl and then Ziva placed the special cupcake on Tali's high chair tray. Tali's eyes widened and the colorful treat as she grabbed it and raised the cake to her mouth. Ziva helped break the cupcake into pieces, which the little one started shoving into her mouth.

"Mmmm," Tali grinned at her Ima with her mouth full of cake and icing all over her face. Ziva laughed and caught it all on video and in pictures.

"Motek, you are all your Abba when it comes to food!" As Ziva spoke, Orli and Nettie exchanged looks. Nettie slightly shook her head that no, Ziva had not contacted Tony. She, Orli and Schmeil could only hope that Ziva would come to her senses and reach out to the man.

Ziva noticed the look between the two older women, "We are not having that discussion today. Please."

Tali made a sound and Ziva looked back to her daughter. She was covered in icing and cake from the top of her head to the diaper! Tali grinned and licked icing off her hands as her Ima took several pictures. "I think she liked her cupcake," Ziva laughed. "And now it is time for a bath!"

"Let me," Nettie spoke up. As Ziva nodded, Nettie carefully lifted Tali from the high chair and carried her to the bathroom. Ziva and Orli could hear Nettie talking to Tali and the baby's sounds in reply.

Ziva opened the back door and carried the high chair into the yard. She grabbed the hose and began washing off the mess. Orli followed Ziva to the yard.

"I hope you do not mind that I asked Nettie to give the baby her bath. I needed to talk to you alone," Orli began.

"I figured as much," Ziva nodded at Orli to continue.

"There has been some chatter about your father's files again, this time from multiple sources, including Argentina, Peru, Iran, Jordan and South Africa. We are not sure if it is all the same group, or various groups, but I have alerted Leon Vance to the situation. Also, I have assigned a covert security detail to watch over you and Tali."

"No! I do not want to be dragged back into my father's world. Is a security detail necessary?" Ziva was adamant. "I thought you made it known that the files are not here." Ziva gestured at the house and property. "I do not want my daughter to be drawn into living a life in fear and always looking over her shoulder to see who is watching. I do not want her to be me!" Tears threatened to spill over as Ziva spoke. She wiped at her eyes, determined not to let emotions get the best of her.

"You could put an end to that by going to him, Ziva. Let your American family protect you and Tali."

"NO! I have hurt them too much and I do not want to drag them into this."

"Ziva, Ziva, Ziva," Orli sighed. "You are too stubborn, a trait you share with your father. Think about contacting Gibbs, better yet, Tony; please?"

"Okay," Ziva agreed to Orli's suggestion so that she could end the discussion. She tried not to let Orli see her conflicting emotions, knowing full well Orli could see right through her masks.

"Ziva, I will say just this and then we are done with the discussion. You still love him; give him a chance to know his child and you will give the two of you a chance to make a family." Orli turned and walked into the house.

Ziva could hear her talking to Nettie and Tali. She turned the hose on the high chair and finished rinsing off the cake and icing. Tears ran down her face as Orli's words echoed to her very soul. ' _Ani ohevet otach, Tony. Forgive me_ ,' she whispered.

Ziva placed the baby's chair on the back porch to dry and wiped her eyes and face with her shirt. She stepped inside to see Tali, Nettie and Orli watching _Cinderella_ , one of Tali's new DVDs. She sighed to herself and began preparing the lasagna for dinner.

After dinner, Nettie and Orli said their good nights. Ziva changed Tali into her pajamas and then the pair sat in the rocking chair in Tali's room looking at some of Tali's new books. The next book in the stack was about animal families. Ziva started reading about the mama cat, the daddy cat and baby cat and her voice broke. Tali had nodded off and did not notice the pause in her Ima's reading. Orli's words from earlier that day came back to her, ' _Give him the chance to know his daughter, and give you two a chance to make a family._ '

Ziva placed a kiss on her sleeping little girl's head and softly whispered a promise, "Yaldati, I will find a way to tell your Abba about you and have you together for your second birthday."

* * *

 **A/N And so the first year of Tali's life has ended. Ziva is still dealing with her inner demons, but things are improving for her. Sequels to come: "Tali's Second Year" and "Ziva's Journey." Currently WIPs; I don't post until a story is completely written.**


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